Parents usually claim to be right always because they are parents. So, the ignorant or wicked ones take their children for granted or lead them astray. Many of such children end up as rebels, misfits or under-achieving people in the society due to abuse by their own parents. It is actually an error to think or believe that parents are always right just because they are parents. The Bible recognizes this error, knowing that parents as humans can misbehave or act wrongly sometimes and eventually miss the point in their bid to nurture their children into good and successful citizens. This is the reason that Ephesians 6:4 says, “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” You may wonder about the possibility of fathers or parents generally provoking their children to anger. This is quite possible. That is why the Bible also says in Colossians 3: 21: “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Ephesians 6:4 addresses the way fathers should interact with their children and highlights two main points:

1. Avoiding Provocation: The verse advises fathers not to provoke their children to anger. This means that fathers should avoid behaviours or attitudes that might lead to frustration, resentment, or emotional distress in their children. Provocation can occur through unfair treatment, harsh discipline, inconsistency, or neglect. The idea is to create an environment where children feel respected and loved, rather than one where they are constantly frustrated, upset or abused. Let us not forget that children also have rights. If not, the Bible won’t be addressing this issue.

2. Positive Guidance: Instead of provoking the children, fathers are encouraged to nurture them through the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This means guiding children with patience, fairness, and a focus on spiritual and moral growth. This entails setting a positive example and teaching children in a way that aligns with Christian values and principles. In essence, Ephesians 6:4 calls for a balanced approach to parenting—one that avoids harshness and anger while promoting growth and learning in a loving and supportive manner. Let us consider some of the ways parents provoke their children

1. When they are overprotective: Children should be allowed some space to breathe and express themselves while under the watch and guidance of their parents. Remember, they have their individuality, which should not be taken away or suppressed.

2. When they show favouritism: hen one of their children is favoured above the others, especially for no just or obvious reason, it can cause provocation. All children must be treated equally except for reasons of disability, illness or other forms of limitations which may be beyond the child.

3. When they compare the accomplishments or abilities of their children: Even the Bible admonishes us in 2 Corinthians 10:12 not to compare ourselves among ourselves because it is foolishness. This will breed envy, jealousy and strife.

4. When they push achievement, aims, and goals, and in so doing, put undue pressure on their children: Everyone does not have the same capacity. Every child is running his or her own race and so must be allowed to move at his or her own pace. This is common among celebrity kids or children who display extraordinary intelligence.

5. When they do not reward or encourage their children: The greatest need of every person is appreciation. Learn to celebrate your children for every achievement regardless of how big or little. It goes a long way to give them a sense of worth and pride.

6. When they fail to allow childishness: That is, they do not understand that a child is a child, and not an adult. It never augurs well when a child is forced to grow up overnight and begin to be saddled with tasks and responsibilities that are more than his or her age. This is very dangerous and it brings provocation. Even Apostle Paul spoke and thought as a child when he was a child (1 Corinthians 13: 11).

7. When they neglect their children’s needs: When a child’s spiritual, social, intellectual, emotional and physical needs are neglected, it can lead to provocation and rebellion. Every responsible parent must be careful to take care of these needs as they arise in their children’s lives.

8. When they nag their children: A nagging behaviour is annoying, not only to adults, but to children as well. Parents must be careful not engage in it while dealing with their children.

9. When they abuse them with hateful, ugly, and bitter words: It is really wrong to talk down on your children. Parents must also understand that abusive and curse words used on children affect their lives and destinies negatively due to the spiritual implications. I pray that the Lord will help us to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, in the name of Jesus. Amen.

PASTOR (MRS) AMAKA OJUGBANA

Regional Overseer, Tracts and Publications